Dear Fearful of Feedback, 

It’s a sign of a great manager to want to improve your communication with your team. Feedback is a two-way street, and it should be a mix of positive and negative. It requires an empathetic delivery, but also maturity and open-mindedness from the recipient. Many people can’t handle receiving it, and most people are afraid to give honest feedback, which is a recipe for a terrible work culture. Let’s get to work fixing them. 

Let’s start with the art of giving feedback. One of my favorite quotes on the subject is from a guy named Frank Clark who once wrote, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” Make sure you’re not dishing it in a way that you wouldn’t want to hear it. A good way to do this is to do a gut check before delivering it. It’s simple, but taking a second to reverse the roles in your head is a great trick.

Delivery is important, but the substance is just as crucial. Keep your feedback constructive and personal. Remember that this is a learning opportunity, and if it’s done right, it should identify the area for improvement clearly, which also highlights areas of strength. You certainly don’t want to end up with an employee who feels tentative to make any moves because they’re scared of being criticized. The ideal is to have a culture where employees feel empowered to try and don’t fear being torn apart by management. Since feedback is about learning, identify the who, what, where, and when so there is nothing left up to interpretation.

Level the playing field. If you’re a manager, you’re naturally in a position of power. This can create a challenging dynamic of superior vs subordinate. Don’t be a Bill Lumbergh. Make it clear that your team can also give you feedback (good and bad) and give them opportunities to do it. Let them know that during one-on-one meetings, you’d love to hear areas that they think you could grow. It’s empowering and will make them more receptive to hearing feedback.

So, those are some quick tips to improve giving feedback. But, learning to take it is the really hard one. No one likes hearing they did something wrong, and it’s easy to take it personally. When you’re receiving feedback, take a deep breath and know that it’s a little hard for everyone.

To make it easier, do your best to not take it personally. This one is really tough. But, becoming defensive won’t help. Remember that you’re getting feedback because you’re wanted on a team, and you’re wanted at your best. When you reframe it, instead of becoming defensive, you’ll see that it’s a chance for you to learn, improve and kick ass even harder. 

Practice makes perfect – and that includes receiving feedback. It sucks the first time. And the second. And third. But by the tenth time, the sting sort of goes away and you start to see it as a conversation that makes you a stronger (and more valuable) employee. So ask for feedback often. That means more than at your yearly review. If you are leading a project or just taking on a new responsibility, ask for some feedback on what’s going well and what you could work on. Your manager will be VERY impressed and you’ll become a boss at communicating. 

Last step – once you get in a routine of asking for feedback, make sure you follow-up. Reference the comments from the last conversation to reinforce that you were listening and also made the appropriate changes. Always say thank you when you’re presented with an opportunity to get better, and you’ll quickly become the stand-out employee you know you can be. 

Managers and employees alike should be willing to receive and deliver honest feedback to help create a highly collaborative and FUN (yes, I used the word fun in a feedback blog) work environment. It doesn’t have to suck, and practice makes perfect. So get out there, and deliver the good, the bad and the ugly – just do it in a way that is human and empowering. 

Sincerely,
Jenny